How to construct a new image
In light my recovery and divine intervention?

Re-visit old myths and texts in a new key.
That of salvation
For I have been saved
Not in the local spiritual meaning, far beyond that
But physically, emotionally and soul saving
In a divine act of grace and charity.

Within the pain I watch the body react
And see and perceive the miracle of daily improvement
The breath becomes longer the weak legs get stronger the aching spasms of the left chest wall remain but respond better to the heating packs
I also need fewer painkillers.

And realize that I am so powerless over everything in my life, the accident as well as the speed of recovery, privileged to have those who love me care for me in powerlessness,
That these processes are set in the laws of physics and molecular biology over which I have no control, that I am a mere participant through which these laws are incarnate yet I am able to document and watch closely as if I were interpreting a text: The body as sacred text.

But how to live with the gnawing fact of something divine in my salvation is the challenge; you know my tradition does not handle salvation and crucifixion talk well! But there you have it, a sister canonical text that embodies notions of suffering and passion, salvation and new insights. (Simone Weil may have seen this better than anyone in the last century), but today I prefer Elaine Scarry's meditation on pain and its currency in the mythical and political landscape.

And how to live each day differently in the face of this dimension?

For me it is clearer as the days go by¦
Live my vocation better
I am a healer
And in my healing I must add this new dimension of grace and blessing;
For as I healed slowly and painfully daily
I realized the blessing came in and through the body of pain and nowhere else.
Only in the body of pain could I locate meaning and divinity
Not beyond
Not out there but very immanently within.
The incarnation is active and well. Tzimtzum has a new dimension.

So my task is clear
To bless others and open their hearts to their pain
To see the divine within themselves albeit paradoxically
Feel the pain its length and breadth its quality and duration and in the feeling
See something a message of grace.
For as Rabbi Nachman tells us God hides in the very hidden spaces where you expect Him least
And not only that He hides His deepest secrets there! In the most unexpected places to avoid the "Other side".

Yes I must teach my patients from my own pain
How see their own divine nature within
By blessing more
By being a conduit for blessing and divine succor.

Julian Ungar-Sargon MD